Warning: This article contains sensitive content surrounding eating disorders
At only 23-years old, Surina Bining is recovering from an illness that some people battle with for a lifetime – one she thought she would never be capable of beating.
“I used to think this would be what I’d die from, and I didn’t care, I was just numb to it all.”
Recently having returned from working as an au pair in Italy, anyone would think Surina is living the dream. But it has been a long journey for her to get to this point.
It’s 8:30pm and Surina joins me on a Teams call from her bedroom in Warwick. Two and a half hours after it was originally scheduled for.
“Sorry! Something came up.” Her voice fills the room as her face appears on the screen and I am greeted by a beaming Surina – I could tell this would be a good chat. She’s immediately likeable.
Starting from a young age, her insecurities about her appearance were focused on her face. She recalls her 11-year-old self drawing on her face to mark out where she was going to get surgery.
These struggles continued until she began university, which is when her focus switched, and she found herself overexercising and restricting her eating. “I realised I couldn’t change my face because I couldn’t afford to, so I just began taking it all out on my body instead.”
Within a year, she became seriously ill, but this quick development is something Surina is now thankful for. “It sounds bad, but I do feel lucky that I progressively got worse in such a short amount of time, because it allowed me to get treatment within a year of having an eating disorder.”
In addition to suffering with anorexia, Surina was also suicidal and depressed. But, when first seeking treatment, Surina was told that she couldn’t receive help as she wasn’t “light enough.” This was due to her BMI (body mass index) still being “healthy.”
“It was only four months after that when I ended up in A&E because things had gone downhill.”
Dr Agnes Ayton, the chair of the Royal College of Psychiatrists eating disorder faculty, said some patients are excluded from vital treatment due to their BMI, creating a “life-threatening position to reduce more weight.” However, in 2021, a Department of Health and Social Care spokesperson said: “People should not be rejected for treatment solely on the grounds of weight or BMI.”
In March 2019, Surina was working a university placement year, when she ended up in A&E due to her low heart rate. “My parents always said I was going to die if I carried on, but it wasn’t until then, when the consultant said they were admitting me, that I thought I could be ill.”
For eight months, Surina received treatment to help her recover, in a specialised eating disorder facility in Warwick.
“Treatment was very much about therapy to deal with past traumas and deeper issues. It wasn’t like ‘this is a doughnut, eat the doughnut.’ People don’t realise that it’s never just about the food.”
After leaving in-patient care, Surina initially began a journal to process her thoughts.
“I remember thinking I’ve learned so much in my recovery, so instead of journaling, I could just write my thoughts on a public post and possibly help others.”
Surina’s account currently has over 8,500 followers and she has used her platform to help and inform people on healthy ways of living.
“Social media can be toxic because so many people promote these quick fixes, but if they worked then we’d all have the secret to these ‘perfect bodies.’ But I do love my account, because I can contribute to the positive side of social media.”
Surina receives lots of messages, thanking her for the content she produces. “A girl said she had been struggling with eating, so would look at my content to help her eat and for me…” Surina pauses. “Ah I’m getting emotional now, but it’s just incredible and she said I had changed her life which was just the best feeling ever.”
Now in a place of acceptance, Surina can finally recognise how far she has come.
“I just wish I could go back to my past self and say: ‘you are going to recover and you aren’t ugly, disgusting or horrible and even if you were, your life can still be amazing.’”
Looking to the future, Surina has some exciting news. “You’re actually getting the exclusive, I got a scholarship to do a course all about the psychology of eating. So, by the end of the year, hopefully, I’ll be a certified coach,” she tells me joyfully, the pride she feels is unmistakable.
As she waves goodbye down the camera lens, still smiling of course, there’s no doubt in my mind the positive impact that she will have in improving many peoples’ lives.
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