When thinking of sex many connotations spring to mind – passion, intensity, intimacy and most importantly pleasure. But why is it that female pleasure continues to be a taboo topic?
The media is a constant and inescapable part of our lives. From TV shows, films, adverts, websites, social media and even adult content, the media is around every corner. And whether consciously or not, the mind stores this information and creates assumptions and expectations from it. The trouble with this is that media is a constructed reality. It is directed, scripted and re-shot until the desired effect is achieved. And when focusing on media portrayals of relationships, more often than not, the style of these products can have voyeuristic tendencies.
The Male Gaze is a theory by Laura Mulvey which says that we view media from the perspective of a heterosexual male. This is not always obvious with small things like camera angles focusing on a woman’s body and positioning a woman in frame so that she looks more submissive. Although there are attempts to break away from this, such as the representation of Harley Quinn in Suicide Squad (male gaze) where angles focus on her chest, and she is wearing see-through clothes etc vs Birds of Prey (female gaze) where camera angles do not linger on the shape of her body.
Despite these subversions, the male gaze can be seen to thrive within the media industry and no matter what your sexual orientation is, women will almost always be portrayed in a desirable way to appease men. And because of this male dominated industry, men are always perceived to be “the heroes.”
In many portrayals of heterosexual relationships, men are shown as knowledgeable Greek gods that are well versed in knowing exactly what women want. And even more unrealistically, when it comes down to it, it somehow works! According to media portrayals of sexual relations, ranging from films to adult content, men can apparently show little attention to the woman they are with and still have her receiving maximum enjoyment and pleasure.
And this is where the crossover between real-life and constructed realities clash. For individuals that are more inexperienced or even those that have just grown up with the perception of what sexual encounters are supposed to be like, the reality of it can be a shock. The common experience amongst many is that your first time is the worst, but is that a surprise when you are with a real person and (hopefully) not a paid actor on a set?
In most peoples’ experiences growing up, boys indulge in porn much younger or at least much more openly than girls do. This could be seen to stem from much wider societal issues that girls’ sexual desires are largely stigmatised and are either shamed, ignored or not taken seriously. Maybe this is to shelter them, protect them or save their innocence, as they consistently undermine each other. But by not addressing natural desires openly, in the same way they see boys are able to do, it can offer girls unhealthy relationships with sex as they may see it as shameful.
The question is, why does this open conversation continuously get suppressed? It is a conversation to be had, but of course girls are hyper-sexualised from a young age and their youth is capitalised off of. The schoolgirl fantasy is one that most people have heard of, but that role-play involves a massive power imbalance that focuses in on the innocence of the “schoolgirl.” It is not unreasonable to guess that female desires are ignored all to cater to the idea of an “untouched woman.”
Men need to be the best. They just need to be. But this is a case of fragile masculinity. Generalising, a man feels threatened by a woman who is open about her sexuality because of societal norms which say a man should be dominant and take the lead – if they do not feel in control then their masculinity is threatened. But so is female pleasure. Most men feel it their duty to be able to please a woman, but if they are using certain media portrayals as their guide, the likelihood of them pleasing anyone is low, because as Jameela Jamil once said: “Learning to have sex from porn is like learning how to drive from the Fast and the Furious. A bloody horrendous idea.”
Catering to men is a common theme because women are aware of the idea of fragile masculinity so may consistently fake their pleasure to not hurt or embarrass them. It is clear that pleasure, media and society constantly tie into one another and are intertwined on a much deeper level. But it is women who are often the ones who fall short, because pleasure is a two-way street and if it is anything other than that, then what is the point?
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