Intimacy. Comfort. Companionship. Familiarity… Good sex?
There will never not be a reason to go back and who said break-ups are the end of relationships anyways?
In the modern day where dating is complicated and there are now seventeen layers of ‘the talking stage’ before you can even think of being exclusive, it is no surprise that a brand-new level is becoming all too familiar. This time it is a level after the relationship.
Serenity, love and joy are emotions that one usually finds within a relationship and consequently become used to having them consistently. Relationships can be a time where being content is not just a feeling, but also a lifestyle. After a breakup, there is a complete removal of this security blanket that you grew to forget was even there, leaving a vulnerable and emotionally naked person in its rear-view mirror.
When in a relationship with someone you are deeply attracted to, the natural chemicals of serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin are released. These chemicals are known as “happy hormones” allowing feelings of attraction and attachment to grow and develop. Additionally, during sex increased levels of these chemicals are released which can cause feelings of euphoria, bliss and creates a sense of bonding. After a breakup, the release of these hormones reduces significantly which can lead to a withdrawal. The battle between want and need then becomes the hardest form of self-control and for those who give in to their withdrawal symptoms, they will go right back to the supply.
Separating could have been the best and most logical solution for a couple. But, after a draining breakup, emotions can run too high, and people tend to resort to the basics of what they know: emotions equal sad and sex equals happy. Breakups can be very painful, but pain is a temporary emotion and the true intensity of it can be forgotten as soon as it is over. As much as you may have been hurt, it is sometimes difficult to rationalise what is best to do when the fix is right in front of you – your ex.
Short-term solutions are not lasting solutions, but durability is not a large concern when escaping feelings and chasing a high. To put it simply, humans crave comfort, and it can be hard to let go of the person who you know can bring you that. In a relationship, many couples just have eyes for one another, and it can be daunting to think of anyone else but that person. No-one wants surprises after being hurt, so what is the harm in going back to a situation you already know?
Navigating this sort of post-relationship situation is not something that anyone is well versed in. Are you there completely blind to what happens next, are you there for reconciliation or just for closure? Feelings cannot just be dropped and figuring out where one another stands in a place where no loyalty is truly owed could possibly be described as a disaster waiting to happen. And before you ask, no! You cannot be friends with benefits, this is not the solution for you. The point of that is that you are first and foremost friends.
Of course, not every breakup works in this way. One person may resist their temptations and close the door behind them, but we are creatures of habit and comfort zones and more often than not it is the long-lasting feelings and familiarity which draws them back in.
The harsh reality is that a couple would not breakup for no reason. Many do get back together, but if the reason for breaking up is not addressed or overcome it will be difficult to look past the same old issues into your new relationship. On the other hand, many couples don’t get back together after breaking up, sometimes things just fail. So, if you are up for the post-relationship level, be smart about it. Feelings don’t vanish overnight.
Could it work again? Possibly. But as they say, “you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” And how will you know if you actually needed what you once had until you’ve gone without it? Because if you never lose someone, you’ll never know if you actually needed them to begin with.
Comentários